Title: Fifty Shades of Truth
Series: Stand Alone
Publisher: Fontaine Publishing Group
Release Date: June 7 2015
Rating: 4 Stars
Told in the first person.
Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book for review from RBTL World of Books Blog Tours and the author. I was not compensated nor was I required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am posting this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255: "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising".
Fifty Shades of Truth is the true story of a man who, for over sixty years, led a double life.
Josef was a husband, a businessman, a friend, but he was also a man hopelessly addicted to sex and all things sexual in nature. Stemming from an assignment his therapist gave him, this book explores the many aspects of sex that are hidden and looked-down upon. Josef's life was a rollercoaster, littered with massage parlors, mistresses, transsexuals and gay encounters. The things that happened to Josef, most people would find horrifying, twisted, or at least strange. But Josef loved every bit of it. Loved it so much that he continued lying to his wife and everyone he knew for 60 years.
Parts of Josef's story are very confronting, but Fifty Shades of Truth is a wonderfully entertaining, sometimes humorous, sometimes shocking, sometimes challenging, but always entertaining account of this man's life. Many other men can only fantasize about some of the things he has experienced.
… a dark journey into the Light
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For some, this author’s thoughts may mirror their own and he gives a voice for those people – he’s baring his soul to strangers. Some may even find some truth in his statements. He makes no apologies and doesn’t sugar coat anything. It’s his life as he both saw and experienced it. I had to give the author kudos to have the initiative to put his life out there for everyone to read.
I loved our author’s suggestion to some of his readers. It’s a very graphic book of self-discovery. Some may feel sorry for him because why would he put himself through some things that are humiliating. But is it? We see how differently males and females might perceive things. When you read through some of what he experienced in his life, you are left wondering how embellished the erotic books we read may be. You come to realize how addicting sex can be.
And as you read this story you may notice that some of what the author has to say rings true – you will know it the minute you read it. He gives the reader some understanding about the world of BDSM and why someone may choose that type of lifestyle. Josef asks a very interesting question toward the end of his story and I’m interested to know if you are able to answer it. I’d also be interested to know if anything that you’ve read here has had you changing your mind about anything.
I peered into the darkness but there didn’t appear to be anyone here, so I choose one of the cubicles, and slowly went inside. My eyes had grown accustomed to the gloom now, and I could make out the shape of the toilet. I nervously positioned myself on the seat and waited, looking up at the soft light of the doorway. My mind was a blank turmoil as I wondered what I would say if someone showed up. I imagined someone coming in and dropping their trousers, taking out their cock and hanging it in front of my mouth. I would open my mouth and wrap it around their cock, sucking it as they became hard. I would welcome the feel of it as they slid it in and out, but the idea of them having an orgasm, and their cum in my mouth freaked me out. I wasn’t sure how I would deal with that part, and my mind refused to explore that possibility or worry about it. I felt like I would probably throw up, and was worried how they would feel if that happened. But maybe I didn’t have to worry about any of that. Maybe it was all just an urban legend and nobody would show up. I could just go back home with my torment and confusion.
I was starting to think about leaving when I heard soft footsteps outside approaching the toilet block. It was too late to consider a change in plan. My heart was thumping in my chest, fit to burst, as the footsteps paused at the entrance, before whomever it was shuffled slowly inside. I sat very still on the toilet, barely breathing, feeling trapped and vulnerable.
I listened intently as the footsteps approached the cubicle doorway. My senses were tingling at a level I had never felt before in my life. Each step they took felt like an eternity as they came closer, and suddenly a dark silhouette loomed in the dim light of the doorway and stopped. I could hear my heart pounding in my chest, as I sat there wide eyed, looking up from the darkness of the cubicle, trapped now by the menacing silhouette in the doorway.
After a moment of silence a quiet voice asked, “What are you doing?”
My mind was in a panic now as adrenalin flooded through my body. The realization of my position dawned on me as a knot of fear contracted in my belly, and all my thoughts of what would happen next disappeared, as a feeling of terror filled my body. I just wanted to get the fuck out of there. “Having a shit,” I replied, a little gruffly. I kept my voice low and steady as I spoke, hoping they would not sense the fear I was feeling. I hadn’t gone there to have a shit, but I was suddenly ready to shit myself like never before. What would I do if he came into the cubicle? Would I explode into action like a cornered wild animal, to try to get past him and escape from the building, or would I whimper in fear while he crowded me against the back wall of the cubicle and fucked me, or did whatever else he wanted. I had a lot of sexual fantasies about being raped but the sudden looming possibility of its reality was terrifying
To the outside world he led a very normal life as a loving husband, good friend and successful businessman. But inside he harbored a great secret as he pursued a life exploring every avenue of sex imaginable. Stemming from an assignment his therapist gave him, this book explores the many aspects of sex that are hidden and frowned upon by society. Josef began by visiting mistresses and frequenting massage parlors, but most people could not even imagine the ways he found to satisfy his all-consuming desires, finding them repulsive, or strange to say the least. But Josef couldn’t get enough of it, as he planned his daily life around his next sexual encounter, lying to his wife and everyone who knew him for sixty years.
Some parts of Josef’s life are very confronting, and not for the prudish or faint-hearted, but Fifty Shades of Truth is a wonderfully entertaining, sometimes humorous, sometimes shocking, sometimes challenging, but always entertaining account of this man’s life. Many other men can only fantasize about some of the things he has experienced.
With this book being an Autobiography the Synopsis and Author Bio are the same.
With this book being an Autobiography the Synopsis and Author Bio are the same.
Note from the Author:
This is the story of my life. It has not been fabricated, exaggerated, or embellished in any way. It's the raw truth and I'm not really sure why I'm writing it, but my therapist thinks it's a good idea, and I can understand her reasoning about that. Writing down my life's story might simply be a part of the healing process, so I can finally move on with my life and live it like a normal person. All my life I've wished for nothing more than to just be normal, as I've looked around and envied other people's untroubled lives. At least that is how they appear on the surface. We can all be quite certain that most people harbor some secrets in their lives. Those secrets might be just some small things they regret, or feel ashamed about. I wish people did not need to have secrets, and live in fear and guilt about their lives. Most things people hide from are not worth the stress, but I guess I'm the same. Maybe I should be able to shout from the rooftops, and tell the world I'm not afraid or ashamed of my life, but in my heart I know many people will stand in judgment of me. At the same time, I know that deep down a lot of people would applaud my courage to do so, even if their own fears prevented them from supporting me out loud. Therein lies the problem. If you stand outside society's norm, you stand alone, through social judgment and fear. Maybe I should just include it all in the category of fear, and leave judgment out of it, considering that all judgment has its roots in fear to begin with.
Fear; the prime mover for almost every expression in our lives. What would it be like to be free of fear?
I know everyone has their problems, and people go through a great deal of pain and suffering in so many ways. I personally know people who I would not trade places with for anything on Earth. We all go through the "run of the mill" issues which plague people; things like marriage breakups, financial problems, health issues, and everything that goes with living on this planet; trying to coexist with a whole lot of people, most of whom we have almost nothing in common, except a pattern of closely similar reactions that maintain a reasonable level of "sanity" in society. And it is all bound in fear.
It doesn't sound like much of a way to live, but if you question someone about their lives and propose the idea that they live their lives in fear, almost all of them will disagree. Some will even get angry, and possibly violent, if you dare to start a debate with them on the issue. The irony is that they won't see, even then, that their reaction to the idea that their lives are based on fear, is in itself a fear based reaction. So why would I tell people about my life? Why would I stand up, step out of the shadows that society creeps around in, and put my trust in people to accept my life? Simple. People cannot be trusted. Everyone knows this because everyone has a secret. The only variable is the size of the secret, and mine would attract a massive excess baggage fee if I packed it in a suitcase and boarded a plane.
I've had, and have, all those problems I spoke about; divorce, health and finance, to some degree. I'm not saying my life is difficult in the main, and in fact I often count myself lucky, and give thanks for my life, and the many things I enjoy. Unlike some others, at least I have my health, in that I can walk, talk, eat, see and hear. I also have a brain that works well enough, which gives me the opportunity to make something of myself, and do something with my life. I really cannot complain, so what makes my life so different that my therapist thinks that writing it down is a good idea?
I don't think the aspect of my life in question is in anyway unusual, or different, to a large percentage of the population, so I guess it just comes down to a question of degree and scope. When I consider those factors I can't help feeling my life has been a little unusual, to say the least, and a lot unusual to "say the most"! No doubt it could be expressed by a lot of people with words like sick, deviant, gross, fucked-up, pathetic, abhorrent, disgusting, depraved, and so on. These words are not new to me. I've tarred myself with every one of them over the years, and nobody else could project the depth of feeling in those words more strongly to me than I have against myself. That projection in turn evoked feelings of shame, guilt, unworthiness and self-loathing that cannot be replicated by imagination. Even if I told you that you cannot imagine the things I've done, and then gave you a hint, you would not cover the depth and breadth of my life experience.
I've written about this in a way that tries to depict how I felt at the time and how I feel now, and can only use words or terms that make that possible. This book is not for the prudish or faint-hearted, so if you like your reality painted over and sugar-coated, then this is not for you, and I suggest you make a nice cup of tea and watch re-runs of Days of Our Lives instead.
I'm not complaining about my lot, and in some strange way I have even come to appreciate it after all this time. All I want to do now is find some understanding out of it that might possibly enrich the remainder of my life, and maybe even help others with theirs.
It all seemed to begin harmlessly enough as a young child in primary school, but when I was a young teenager, an innocent conversation with my mother raised the idea in me that this turbulent, obsessive journey had actually begun when I was just a baby. In time I had no doubt about this, and it has often led me to wonder - is this some kind of karmic load I am unloading, or am I building a karmic load that will crush the life out of my soul? This is the question that would plague me through the decades to come. Whatever the explanation for it, I was powerless to do anything about it. All I could do was hang in, and hang on, as I plunged headlong through a chaotic world of sensory self-gratification. Where do I even start, to give anyone an idea of the duality of the life I have lived for as long as I can remember? There is that old clichéd crap about starting at the beginning, and they may be right, but let's just skip ahead for a moment, because honestly, if I'm going to write this down, then I don't have time for norms or clichés, and don't give a shit about them. Skipping ahead will give me a clear reminder of why I'm writing this, and what I'm writing about. I'll come back and try to join some dots, so this might become a clearer picture of what it always felt like to me: a life unlived. Is that too dramatic; to call it a life unlived? I lived something, didn't I? We all have some notion of what life should be like, or what we wish it was like, and in my mind and in my heart my life never measured up to any of my wishes. It just never felt like living. It always felt like a crap life; a bum deal. It is what it is.